Comparisons and Shoulds

One of the wondrous things about the human mind is its ability to think ab-stractly. We can think of new ideas and create things that don't exist. We can compare ourselves to others and think about how we'd like things to be different.

The dark side of comparing ourselves to others is that we can create high standards and come up with all kinds of shoulds

—ideas about what we should (or should not) be doing. We can dream up an ideal world in which we never measure up.

Here are some of our unhelpful shoulds:

• My partner should appreciate that I swept the floor.

• I should respond to an email the same day I receive it.

• I shouldn't have people over until my house is perfectly clean.

• My friends should know it's my birthday and call me.

Daily Writing: Noticing Shoulds

Write down some of the shoulds that might be limiting you (e.g., I should..., shouldn't.., they should.., they shouldn't...).

How are these shoulds preventing you from doing what you care about? If you didn't follow them, how could your life be different? What would it be like to loosen up on those standards and to be more flexible with yourself?

Today's Practice

Pay special attention to how your shoulds, and other comparisons, are showing up for you today. Try doing things differently. When comparisons show up, keep your eyes on your own plate...and how full it is! Try challenging a should today. Experiment by not doing it and doing something you want to do instead.